Where they Stand
by DaesGatling
Summary: Oneshot Rumple makes himself known to Belle after the events of 4X13 and Belle and he go to the Inn to argue about betrayals, where they stand, and how they feel about their marriage and each other.


Belle wondered if when she banished him, she actually believed that he would be gone for good. Nothing was ever permanent in this town. Not the curse, not her own memory wipe, not Lacey, not the return to the Enchanted Forest, not Rumple's death…

Nothing lasted forever.

So when he walked into his shop that she was manning by herself, Belle was startled but she couldn't say that she was surprised. And when she saw his eyes, saw the hurt, the anger and the jealousy, she knew he'd seen the kiss last night. The one that she'd given to Will Scarlett. The knowledge he'd seen her immediately filled her with a sort of shame. Like she'd done something wrong.

Had she? She'd banished him with the intent that he never come back. Surely that was like a divorce right? That's what they told her

But did she really expect him to come back? Or to stay gone?

Was it cheating if deep down, she knew he'd most likely come back?

His presence also let several more pieces fall into place as he walked towards her. The questions she'd wondered about the past few days: He couldn't be here, not if the town was cloaked. Which meant that he got in here when Cruella and Ursula did. How? Through the trunk? They did keep the scroll; did they toss it to him later in case the sheriff searched the car?

Belle had been suspicious that the Chernabog hadn't just showed up out of the blue the same time two of her previous captors did. Rumpelstiltskin being here cemented it. All of a sudden, her 'college professor' knowing runes he couldn't possibly understand also made sense.

So even now he was manipulating her to do what he wanted. And the shame she felt for her own self was replaced by anger. So there was no happiness she felt when he met her eyes and she also saw longing, she saw desire and that look he gave her when he was desperate. If he felt those things then fine, but she was tired, resigned and angry.

"I think we should talk," he said simply. He didn't need a big grand entrance. She was grateful for that. It wasn't an angry tantrum where he slammed stuff in his shop; it was quiet, and furious. For once it was directed at her.

It didn't occur to her before now that maybe she needed him there so she could get out the betrayal she felt too. Banishing him, it'd felt like it hadn't been enough. And the grief and hurt and anger festered in her with no outlet.

Belle nodded, "We do."

"Where?"

"Granny's," she told him and tried to think of a number, "Room Five."

Some would expect that they might be meeting there for more than just talking. If it was anyone else, they would suspect that. Rumpelstiltskin knew differently though.

He knew he wasn't allowed to come home.

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Rumpelstiltskin had already been there when she arrived. He had a fire going, the night was slightly chilly. Belle suspected it might be warmer elsewhere than it currently was in this room right now with the looks they were giving each other.

He sat on the edge of the bed. Belle sat on the chair by the fire where she could be warm. Did he intentionally set it up that way and was manipulating her still? Or was this just coincidence.

They sat staring at the other, neither sure of what to say. Of how they were supposed to address how their marriage had gone so wrong so quickly. What did one say to that?

Rumpelstiltskin finally broke the silence, "How long have you been with _him_?"

Belle cringed, "A few days."

"You are aware that he's in love with someone else."

Belle kept her eyes on him; she felt her jaw twitch under his gaze, "Is he safe?"

"Is there a reason he shouldn't be?"

"Your jealous reputation precedes you." 

"Does it? I had no idea."

"What you did to the sheriff that night…"

"He deserved it after what he tried to do to you all those years ago." 

Was he really justifying that? "Did he deserve it? Or were you just angry that the date wasn't going how you wanted it." 

"You liked it."

"Lacey liked it." 

"You're both now, isn't that the mantra?"

Belle flinched; she'd never tried to think about those days that she was Lacey. The things Lacey liked, the things she liked watching Rumple do to other people. The love she had for his power and not him, "You didn't answer my question. Is he safe?"

Rumpelstiltskin seemed to consider it and then nodded, "Is it serious?"

Belle could lie; she had Rumple's word that he wouldn't get jealous. But Rumple's word was hardly as valuable as it used to be. So she told the truth, "No."

Something akin to relief crossed his eyes. A bit of the tension bled out, "May I ask how far it's gone?"

"A few kisses and a date. Nothing officially stated. No official decisions about the status decided," she gripped the chair and blinked back tears, "I'm finding it hard to trust romantically again."

He jerked, "I never wanted to hurt you, Belle. Truly."

She lost it then, he knew the whole time what he was doing! He knew! "You lied about the dagger! You built our marriage on lies and false promises."

"I needed it!"

"Why?" Belle demanded. What on earth could possibly be more important than his word to her?

"Zelena."

Belle fell back, "You _did _kill her."

He didn't look the least bit ashamed. Why should he after what she cost him? "They were going to let her free, Belle. The woman that murdered my son, the woman that wanted me to kill you. The woman that forced me to do so many things I never wanted to do. She abused me, Belle. In every way a person can be abused. They were going to give her a second chance because she was Regina's _sister._ Just like they gave Regina chance after chance because she raised Henry and Snow felt guilty. They don't care about you or me; they only care about what they perceive as family."

"You promised you wouldn't kill her."

"You demanded. I never reciprocated."

Belle could see how it was now. Even before the marriage; just lies and subject changes and manipulation. She stood and went to stand at the window, "You still play with words the way you play with people, Rumple."

"I gave it to you on our honeymoon," he said softly, "I wanted you to have it."

"Oh, now that you were done with it, you gave it back…just to take it away again."

His eyes darkened, "I found a way for myself to finally be free of the dagger. Can you honestly say that that's a bad thing?"

"How you went about it is wrong, Rumple."

"Would you have supported my motives?"

"We could've found another way."

"Don't you think I've looked for other ways? While the dagger lay in your purse, while anyone could take it and control it? We'd have wasted time"

"That wouldn't have happened."

He scoffed and moved to stand by her. Belle wasn't sure how she should feel about the warmth radiating off him. She wanted to move away, he was far too close. But it was closeness that she didn't have anymore. One that she missed. She drew towards him just a little.

"Belle," he said more calmly, "I trusted you with that dagger and you tried to force me to do something I didn't want to do"

It was Belle's turn to feel the crushing guilt. He'd forgiven her, he'd let it go. He said. But Belle hadn't let it go. It haunted her, what she was capable of…he'd trusted her and she betrayed that trust.

"You wouldn't help me with Anna," was all she offered. And it was pitiful. Both knew it.

"What an excuse to turn you husband into a puppet on a string to do your bidding," he snapped, "And it's a good thing I was lying too. Otherwise you'd have been frozen in front of the mirror and I'd have been frozen outside and what would've happened if the Snow Queen found both of us and took possession of the dagger? What would've happened then?"

Belle jerked away from him as if he'd hit her, "You don't get to do that. You don't get to justify what you did."

"I'm not. Your turning me into your puppet is a separate issue entirely," he didn't move towards her, he just stood there glaring, "You were there, Belle. You were there for my nightmares, and anxiety attacks. You were there as I woke up at night believing that it was all a trick from Zelena. She used the dagger to make me do all sorts of things! And what did you do? You did what she did and for what?"

The tears came then from Belle, "I apologized, Rumple. I felt horrible and I begged your forgiveness."

He turned away and moved to the window when she started crying, He could never handle it when she cried, "Only to do it again."

"I had to do something."

"Maybe, I don't deny that," he whispered, "But you used your anger to throw me over the border, Belle. Away from you, and Henry, my home, my money….Bae's resting place. You took all that from me. I couldn't even WALK, Belle. You reduced me to scratching and crawling until I could get a cane and make it to New York

The tears poured down her face now. Maybe he was manipulating her. But she couldn't see it, not this time. Though she couldn't tell it the other times before, "I hated myself, Rumple. As soon as I did it, I hated myself. It was so hard to do; it was the hardest thing I've ever done. But you lied to me, you used me. You were going to kill Hook and hat Emma. You hatted the apprentice and the fairies. What else was I supposed to do?"

His expression broke a little, "I don't know. But not that." 

"I love you," Belle whispered and walked toward him, "I love you so much and you used me, Rumple."

"Just like you used me," he pointed out softly, "I never wanted to lie to you Belle. I never wanted you to get hurt. I swear, I wanted to tell you."

"You didn't."

"I was ashamed. I was afraid to lose you; you were the only person I had left that understood me. You were the only one left that cared. None of them do. They cry for the pirate and Regina and sneer at me when I've bent over backwards to help them."

Belle flinched. He wondered if it was the same for her. Did they care or was she their research mule still?

He reached for her face, "Belle…"

She wanted to pull away. She should. He might be manipulating her. But she had been so lonely for weeks, and she'd missed him and loved him so much and now that he was here? She was looking at him again? She was angry and hurt, but at the same time she felt drawn to him and wanted him with her.

She was so damaged.

Belle moved to kiss him. She would regret it; she doubted it'd take long for that to set in. But she loved him, needed him, and she wanted to feel something again.

He returned the kiss. When it deepened, he took her over to the bed. It was hesitant. He was waiting for her to say no and to push him away but it never happened.

He needed this connection too.

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It was fast and it was somewhat rough. Their passion and basic need overrode their good sense. When it was done, neither one felt better, neither one felt reprieve. Belle sat in silence up against the headboard. Her blouse was unbuttoned; her skirt was still bunched up around her thighs. The bun she'd put her hair in was off at an angle. Rumpelstiltskin could see it, even from the corner of his eye. He sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. One of her shoes was next to him. The other had clattered off somewhere under the bed where her underwear and his cufflinks and belt were.

It wasn't the reunion he wanted. He'd expected her scorn and her anger. He'd prayed that maybe he could work things out with her. But not like this. Not this way.

The town clock struck three in the morning. He heard the three chimes before he finally turned to look. She'd ripped part of his shirt open. He'd yet to zip and fasten his pants. Gods knew where his tie was. He didn't keep track of any of it. He just wanted to feel her against him again. To be with the woman he loved and married.

A marriage built on lies.

A marriage ended at the town line.

Trust broken by his lies and what he'd done to the town, and her using him like a puppet and kissing another man.

He looked over his shoulder. Belle wouldn't meet his gaze, she stared out the window from her place where they'd just….might as well had had a fling it felt like, "Are you okay?"

She wiped her eye, 'No."

He looked back down at his hand. His ring finger still had his ring. Belle's didn't. He knew it was his fault. Most of it was his fault. He'd done a lot of terrible stuff to a lot of people but never to her. He did and he got found out. That was the way it should go.

"I was afraid," he finally whispered, he didn't expect her to trust him or believe him or ever take him back. But they were here now, he should open up, "My son died to bring me back. He was manipulated into doing it. I never wanted that. I never would trade my place for his. I saved him. I saved you. I saved the town. My redemption was done. And then I was back, and I try to prolong my son's life because I knew I couldn't save him. I was just hoping someone else could. Or maybe he could at least see Emma and Henry again if they found a way to bring us over. I held onto him, Belle. I chose him over the dagger and I still lost him. I watched my son die and there was nothing I could do. He paid the price for my sins. He should've lived on to raise a family, to be happy…but he died. Because of me. I couldn't even go to his funeral, Belle. Zelena sat with my dagger in hand and mocked me. They were going to let her live. Not because she deserved it but because Regina was feeling particularly self-righteous that day. I killed her to stop the cycle that would surely kill more people."

"They took her magic."

"For how long? She broke the laws of time travel. Do you expect me to believe she wouldn't find a way to get it back?" he played with his ring, "I was going to give you back the knife. You were never supposed to know. But then I found the hat. It wasn't…just about the power. It would mean I would be free. I wouldn't have to constantly live in fear that I could be controlled. I spent the better part of year not being able to even eat without her permission. The villains would abuse it, the heroes would abuse it….I wanted to get free and take you out of here. Belle, they showed more concern over Regina's murder victim showing up and how that would affect her than what they ever showed me over Baelfire's death. The next time they came to me, they needed something."

Belle shrank a bit, "I know."

"Why should I help them do anything?" he sneered and then looked down, "Being good never got me anything. It didn't save the town, it didn't keep you safe, it didn't save Baelfire, and it didn't keep Henry from all this. I tried so hard to be good. You wanted me to. You gave me the belief that maybe I actually could. But maybe that was the problem. Maybe I built myself up into something that you wanted to save. You just wouldn't see the real me in there. I gave you something…someone you wanted. Until you had to see the real monster."

He couldn't look at her, he wasn't even sure what her expression was, "Then the _pirate _came….looking for something like they always do…but then he told me that if I didn't do what he wanted…and didn't keep doing what he wanted, then he'd tell you that the dagger was a fake. He wanted to pretend he was a changed man but he was keeping things from Emma and you just as much as I was. He told me he was going to use you to hurt me again. And they say _he _changed."

Belle shuddered, "He did that?"

"I'm sure he's made himself out to be the innocent victim that got tricked. I'm sure all of you seeing his heart in my hand painted a nice picture of that story," he sneered.

Belle _finally_ looked over to him, "Why didn't you ever tell me? Why didn't you just…talk?"

That was something he'd been asking for a long time now, he could never find an answer that made sense, "I don't know. I used to think it was because I didn't want you to see me weak. And then when we left the Snow Queen's cave and we had that chance to talk and I didn't take it….I'm not a good man, Belle. You know that. You told me you loved all the sides of me but when that dark side always showed up, you left. You dished out ultimatums. It's your way or you leave. You never…never tried to talk it out with me or understand where I come from."

Belle was crying harder now, "I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to understand what you were going through. But I was scared you'd push me away. I wasn't…sure how to ask. We've never talked like we should. About my captivity in Regina's hands…about Neverland, or Zelena, it's been one thing after another and we always get separated. Maybe we both started loving the versions that we wanted the other to be instead of continuing to love the person we actually were."

"It's not as if we ever got to be around the other that much to figure out what that actually was." 

"Maybe we love both the person we are and that picture we want them to be. I don't know. But I'm not what you hoped for either, I know that. Anna nearly died because of me. Because memories of my mother's death were more important at the time."

"That's nothing compared to the things that I've done," he reminded her

"It's plenty compared to what I present myself to you as," Belle whispered, "That and trying to control you with a dagger. Where will it end? You still came here and you manipulated me to do what you wanted. What's next? Will I hurt you next or will you hurt me?"

He shuddered and looked down, "Would you have let me back in town if I told you the truth?"

Belle watched him, "What is the truth?"

"That I love you. That I want to make this right. That I'm very, very sorry for how I hurt you. But I know that I can't. So I'm going to fix it."

She was hesitant at her next question, "What did you come here to do?"

"I want to make the author give the villains a happy ending."

Belle was quiet, "Please don't."

He put his palms against his eyes, "I try to be good, Belle. I tried to be a hero and what did it get me? Maybe I'm just better as a villain and maybe this way I can get my happy ending. Is it fair? Is it fair that I'll get an unhappy ending no matter how good or bad I am? Maybe it's time to change the rules of the game."

"It won't bring Baelfire back."

He wasn't even sure she heard the next words. Just the thought…having his son back nearly broke him, "It could."

"You wouldn't have me. Not the way you really want."

He knew. And up until now, he thought it'd be better than the nothing that he'd found himself having now. It was different though, here he was starting to rethink his opinion.

"You're working with them," Belle pointed out, "The women that nearly killed me."

"I burned my other bridges."

"Will it be worth it? The rules still favor the heroes. Logic might dictate that since the rules favor the heroes, they'll win no matter what…because that's how it goes. Are you prepared for what that'll either gain you or lose?"

"I don't know," he admitted.

"I love you so much, and you make these choices that I can't abide," Belle whispered, "I love you but I can't trust you. And that was the biggest betrayal of all because you of all people? I could trust you. I knew you'd keep me safe. I knew that when you gave me the library here and actually talked to me that you'd keep me safe."

"I also told you I was a coward and magic was my crutch," he reminded her.

"You can't fall back on that and expect it to lessen the blow."

"I know."

Belle crawled over and sat beside him, "I wasn't lying when I said that I regret what I did every day."

"I wasn't lying either."

She folded her hands in her lap, "If I asked you to stop your quest, would you stop?" 

That was the question that he'd also been asking himself. Would Belle be enough? Would she, the power he already had, and his weakness to the dagger be enough? Could they fix this?

No, probably not. He wouldn't expect her to. She was right. He wasn't the man, he was the beast. That's all he would ever be.

"I want to," he whispered, "But I don't have the strength. Not anymore. I fought for 300 years…it's not worth it, Belle. I tried and I failed and I would've taken whatever punishment karma gave me….but Bae took the punishment and it's not fair."

The tears came then. The tears he held back from Zelena, from Belle, from all of them. There wasn't time to mourn when he was freed. It was the next problem, the next trouble….and he'd swallowed the pain and fought back the only way he knew how. He held on to his power, he pushed his loved one away and it blew up in his face. Like it always did.

Belle held him for a few moments. He felt her tears dripping against his cheek. He wasn't sure how long they're like that; crying for Bae, for the other, for their marriage…so many things went wrong. How did it all come to this?

"I forgive you," Belle whispered.

He didn't hear it, "What?"

"I forgive you."

Three little words. So genuine. Words that he thought he'd never hear. And through the pain and the grief and the loss, for a second, he felt a glimmer of hope.

That time he kissed her. It was equally passionate but much gentler than it was the first time they'd…had relations here that night.

Belle returned the kiss and pulled him back on the bed.

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The clock chimed six, waking Belle out of her sleep. At first she thought that it was a dream but the bed was way too uncomfortable and she remembered where she was.

She shifted in the bed. Her husband had his arms wrapped around her from behind. Belle moved a bit, to try and see where her clothes landed the night before.

Her mind was in tangles. The things he'd done….Belle still felt anger and betrayal. But a lot of it was gone now that she'd heard him finally be honest and forgave him. That worried her. If she forgave him too easily, he might try this again. He might not have learned his lesson, right?

But if she pushed him too far away, she'd lose him forever.

Belle could already hear what they'd tell her. She shouldn't take him back. He didn't deserve. Maybe he didn't. That was her choice to make. Belle wasn't even sure what she wanted to do yet.

Rumpelstiltskin awoke as she shifted. His eyes widened and bit and he smiled almost shyly, 'Hi."

"Hi."

"You okay?" He reached out and tucked some of her tangled hair behind her ear.

"I don't know," Belle told him truthfully.

"Me either."

They stared at each other, "Does anyone know you're back?"

"No."

"I'll have to tell them."

"I know," he whispered.

Belle sat up and started dressing. She looked under the bed for the things that had fallen, "I need to go."

She had so much she had to work out.

He sat up, "Can I come home?"

Belle hesitated, "I don't know yet."

He didn't seem hurt or troubled by that. He just nodded and laid back down, "There's a lot to work through."

"There is."

He stared at the ceiling, "I don't expect you to take me back. But if you do allow it…I know we start from scratch."

"I'm still…not sure where we stand, Rumple." She got dressed, "I can't decide anything until I have some semblance of trust in you again."

He nodded, "And I you."

Belle wasn't hurt by it, he was right, "We've both played a part. And we both need to figure out how we can fix it."

"Can we?"

Belle walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. She took his face and pressed her forehead against his, "I have to believe that we can. Someday. It won't be easy. If we do this, we have a long road ahead of us. But maybe when we're both in a better place, it'll happen."

He nodded, "I love you, Belle. So much."

"I love you too."

But it took more than love to keep a marriage together. It was a hard lesson that most learned.

She grabbed her shoes and gave him one look back. And then she went home. Maybe one day it'd be their home again, she didn't know.

But she hoped. For the first time in a long while


End file.
